|
How to Criticize… With Love
Receiving Criticism With Love
In a funny way, receiving criticism is less painful than delivering it. Yet, it takes practice to stay open rather than resorting to the fight or flight responses described above.
1. Don’t allow your partner to criticize in a manner that truly feels abusive.
Loving criticism might sting but it doesn’t leave you feeling demeaned.
2. Don’t counter-attack by saying, “But you do the same thing.” Or “How can you criticize me when you are so imperfect?”
Working on one issue at a time is your best shot at resolving conflicts instead of having the same argument over and over.
3. Stay open to the possibility your partner is correct.
We all make mistakes. We all have faults. Being imperfect does not make you bad or unlovable. Even if much of the criticism sounds absurd or wrong, try to stay non-defensive long enough to hear the aspects that are true. Think about it over time. Take what you can use and leave the rest.
4. Don’t withdraw.
If your response is “whatever,” you cut off the possibility of resolving the conflict and improving the relationship.
5. Don’t cave in
Acknowledge mistakes but don’t give in to your partner out of fear. (I’m assuming here that you are not in an abusive relationship, because that’s a different story.) When you cave in, you may appear subservient on the surface but will inevitably be secretly resentful toward your partner.
Questions or feedback about this article? Contact Dr. Merola
All information on this web site is intended for your general knowledge only and is not a substitute for medical, psychological or psychiatric advice or treatment for specific conditions. You should seek prompt care for any specific medical or mental health issues. |
|
Contact Dr. Merola: |
|
Geraldine T. Barton, Ph.D. Phone: 845-338-3250 159 Green Street Email: drgmbarton@drgmbarton.com Kingston, NY 12401 |
|
Copyright 2001. Geraldine T. Merola, Ph.D. All rights reserved. |
|
Clinical Psychologist |
|
Geraldine Merola Barton, Ph.D. |