Q:I’m 27.I’m finding it harder and harder to relax and enjoy my life.My boyfriend complains that I’m judgmental and criticize him unfairly.I have to admit, I’m hard on myself, too.I’m always on the go.I take on too much because I’m trying to please everyone. I’m exhausted much of the time, but not really feeling much pleasure in anything I get done.I’ve read a little about issues of Adult Children of Alcoholics and I’ve been wondering how much of my problemshave to do with growing up with alcoholic parents? A:Children exposed to chronically chaotic behavior of alcoholic parents have two basic choices: They can become chaotic themselves and not develop sufficient impulse control, or they can overcompensate, and develop coping mechanisms best described by such adjectives as rigid, perfectionistic, people-pleasing and fearful.The following is a checklist by Al-Anon, the 12-Step organization for families, relatives and friends whose lives have been affected by someone else’s drinking. 1.Do you constantly seek approval and affirmation? 2.Do you fail to recognize your accomplishments? 3.Do you fear criticism? 4.Do you overextend yourself? 5.Have you had problems with your own compulsive behavior? 6.Do you have a need for perfection? 7.Are you uneasy when your life is going smoothly, continually anticipating problems? 8.Do you feel more alive in the midst of a crisis? 9.Do you still feel responsible for others, as you did for the problem drinker in your life? 10.Do you care for others easily, yet find it difficult to care for yourself? 11.Do you isolate yourself from other people? 12.Do you respond with fear to authority figures and angry people? 13.Do you feel that individuals and society in general are taking advantage of you? 14.Do you have trouble with intimate relationships? 15.Do you confuse pity with love, as you did with the problem drinker? 16.Do you attract and/or seek people who tend to be compulsive and/or abusive? 17.Do you cling to relationships because you are afraid of being alone? 18.Do you often mistrust your own feelings and the feelings expressed by others? 19.Do you find it difficult to identify and express your emotions? 20. Do you think someone’s drinking may have affected you? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you may wish to talk with a psychologist, do some reading about Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOA’s), or attend an AlAnon meeting.Don’t hesitate to reach out for help and information, because it’s there for you.